Falling for the Enemy
by SugarSubstitute
Summary: Light makes L his slave but what if he starts to fall for him. Rated M for sex/rape, self harm and plenty of lemons.
1. Chapter 1

Hi!!! This is rated M for a reason. Icludes rape, blackmail, slash, S&M bondage and lemons... Enjoy!!!

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Light Yagami was sick and tired of living like this, he was God! Kira! Justice! Yet all he got was accusations. Evil glares. Chained to an annoying detective who was only 6 years older than he was! Light Yagami wanted to take L Lawliet and fucking throttle him! Nah... He was too cute, maybe L could be useful. Of course that would mean admitting he was Kira, but oh well. He would start now.

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Light Yagami sighed to himself, watching the eccentric detective nibble on his thumbnail and stare up at him with onyx eyes from his favourite sitting position. "Yes Light-Kun, is there any particular reason you wanted to see me without the rest of the task force team?" L Lawliet said. Light rolled his eyes, "I have something to tell you about the Kira case" he said, sitting down on the sofa next to the older man. L nodded, gesturing for the teen to continue. "I am Kira" Light said.

Silence... Then L finally spoke.

"I know that" he said. Light grabbed L's skinny wrists and dragged him into a standing postion, then slammed him against the wall. "I am Kira, and I swear if you tell a soul you and your precious task force will die. One by one." He hissed. L bit his lip anxiously "and thats not all L Lawliet, you will be my slave" Light continued, "Until I have gained power as the new God, you will be my slave. Got it?" Kira put his face up close to L's and smiled sweetly "Im sure you will find me a good master" he said, then smirked "Dont look so worried L Lawliet, it all starts tomorrow"

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The next morning, Light walked confidently into the JTF Headquaters and asked Watari where L was. "He is in his room Mr Yagami" The old man said, smiling. Light nodded and advanced to L's room. He didnt even bother to knock before he walked in, finding L tapping away at his laptop. in his favourite position. Light smirked as the detective turned around, noticing the teens presence in the room. "Do you wish to see me Kira?" L said, narrowing his beautiful onyx eyes and glaring at Light. "Touche Lawliet" Light smirked, he grabbed the older man off the chair and dragged him onto the bed. L's eyes widened, for a split second he actually looked afraid as Light pulled the mans jeans and underpants off. "What the hell do you think your doing?" L yelled, trying to push him away and wriggle free. Light was younger, but the boy was a natural athlete and much stronger than the underweight, sweet eating man under him, "Sshh" Light whispered, he pushed his own trousers off, one handed, the other hand keeping L on the bed. L managed to get free and managed to get about halfway to the door before Light grabbed him and pulled him, struggling to the bed "Well I was gonna be nice but now I might just be the opposite" Light snarled, his amber eyes dancing. L glared at him silently wondering what the hell he could do... Huh? He gasped as he felt Light move downwards and run light, butterfly kisses across L's belly and thighs. "S-stop!" L said, wriggling away.  
Without warning he was turned over onto his front, he felt something prodding at his entrance and L closed his eyes, tried to pretend this wasnt happening. Tears ran down his pale cheeks as Light thrust violently into him, over and over again. Suddenly something snapped. It was like the teen had hit something inside him, and L let out moans of pleasure rather than pain, ashamed that he was actually liking this. "Nngh! S-stop Light! Agh! Please!" Tears of fear, shame and confusion poured down his cheeks as he came, just seconds before Light did. "Good boy" The murderer said, patting L on the head and pulling him onto his lap. "You- you bastard" L sobbed angrily.

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LIGHT POV

He looked so darn cute. I tried to ignore the twinge of guilt in my heart, after all L had put me through hell. He had put me in solitary confinement, stalked me. Accused me of murder when I tried to clense the world of evil. I tried to tell myself he deserved this.  
I looked at him, he had stopped crying now and his onyx gaze was fixed on the ceiling. He lookd different. Deafeated, broken. His face was expressionless but his eyes...? Oh God his eyes were just staring, gazing forlornly at nothing. I reached into his bedside table and pulled out a candy cane, held it to him. "No" he murmured, shaking his head. He tried to slide off my lap but I wouldnt let him.  
I pulled him tighter to me "Your still my slave remember" I said, trying to sound defiant. Things were going to change around here.

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OMG!!! Please reveiw if you want me to write more! This will get better...

Xx Kate 


	2. Chapter 2

Hi again... Wow! I got reveiws!!! Btw I got asked how Light knew L's name... I have no idea Lol. BTW italics = thoughts/Lights concience yeah in this story Light is going a bit crazy he has voices in his head and starts the real torture! Oh yeah and L has a little flashback.  
Enjoy!!!

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L'S POV

How did this happen? I am L Lawliet, the Worlds Best Detecive. Well maybe I am not as invincible as I thought I was. Maybe no more than anyone else. Raped. Broken. God it hurts so much to admit that. Broken. L Lawliet should never break. Never surrender. Its like an unspoken, unwritten rule. Broken.  
And by a guy. Six years younger than me. Maybe it was my fault? Where did I go wrong? Light had left me in my room after the... incident, I saw something in his eyes. Yes there was victory in his eyes, and power. But there was something else that I couldnt quite put a name to... Bastard. All I wanted to do was kill him, but now... now I dont care. After all, this has to be my fault. Right?

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Light had walked out of the room as if nothing had happened.

He is my slave. My bitch. Nothing but my fuck toy and a mere pawn in my game...

He tried to convince himself that it was fine, after all L had always claimed to be invincible, unbreakable. He would get over it. Rape happened all over the world. Light had killed most of the rapists using the death note, just like he had elliminated other criminals. Murderers.

_Maybe now your no better than they are?_

That last thought stopped Light in his tracks, he froze. His amber eyes narrowed, why was he thinking like this now?

_Because its true?_ His concience screamed at him.  
_No!_ The rational Kira yelled back L deseved it!

"SHUT UP!" Light screamed. Then stopped. He was in the main room, Matsuda and Aizawa were staring at him. Aizawa smirked, Matsuda looked afraid. "Whats wrong Raito?" Matsuda asked. "We didnt say anything" Light shook his head, he hadnt realised he had actually spoken aloud. "Dont worry, I was just... umm... having a mental debate..." he spluttered. Matsuda raised an eyebrow but didnt press the issue, instead he asked where L was. "Hes in his room" Light shrugged.  
L was the last person he wanted to talk about right now, he had seen the look in the older mans eyes after he had... yeah. Light sighed. L came into the room, looking fairly normal. As if nothing had happened, but Light noticed that the detective winced as he sat at his computer, the weariness in his eyes. Even the way he walked slower,  
more hunched over. The fearful look he gave Light as he passed him. The way he shuddered every now and then.

"I am going to the bathroom" L announced, they had been working for about an hour and it had been strangely quiet until then. Light suddenly froze as L walked out of the room, his onyx eyes staring at his bare feet.

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L'S POV

I have the bath taps turned as far as they will go, I have to get rid of all the dirt. Ive always been a neat freak (not so much as a health freak though!) Im dirty. Used.  
I need to find a way to erase everything thats happend, do I beileve in reincarnation? The afterlife? No I wont kill myself. There has to be another way? Near would know, God he's smart. Smarter than me, he would never get into this situation. I cant tell him. I cant tell anyone.  
Even if I could, even if they believed me. In a sick way I owe Light Yagami one. He made me see, made me realise that I'm human. That I can break down. I scrub at my skin harder, need to get rid of the dirt. I see a razor out of the corner of my eye. I grab it and hold it over my wrist.

_Dont do it!_ The rational, unbreakable side of me was screaming at me.

_You deserve it._ That was the defeated side of me speaking.

_Slash_

The pain isnt as bad as when Light first thrust into me this morning.

_Slash_

The shame isnt as bad as when he made me come.

_Slash_

Im addicted. To the pain. I laugh like a crazy person. Im laughing and Im crying and I dont even know why.

_Slash_

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LIGHT'S POV

I dont know why but Im running, the bathroom door is locked, I can hear runing water. And I can hear L - laughing? Matsuda and Aizawa had rolled their eyes when I ran out of the room to follow L. Ide had just smirked. "L!" I screamed, I tugged at the door, "Fuck L will you just open the fucking door!" I yelled. The laughing had stopped and I was suddenly afraid. I stepped away from the door and took a well aimed kick at the handle, the door flew off the hinges and crashed to the ground. I saw L's thin frame slumped half-unconcious against the bath, his lower arms soaked with blood.  
I grabbed a towel and put it around him, and wrapped another couple round his arms before carrying to the bedroom. He gazed up at me. "This... wasnt..." he murmured, before slipping back into unconciousness. "L!" I screamed. I grabbed his shoulders and tried to shake him awake. I breathed a sigh of relief as his dark eyes opened a fraction.

_Why didnt you just leave him?_ My sadistic side butted in. _If he wants to die then let him! Or will you miss your little toy hmm?_

My conscience sighed. _Go away I never ment to hurt him..._

_Yes you did._

_Yes you did._

_Yes you -_ "Leave me alone" L muttered. Suddenly I was angry, angry at L for speaking, for existing in the first place. If he wasnt around I could be God. I was angry at Ryuk for dropping the death note so I had the power to be God, angry at myself.

I slapped L round the face, wincing as he did. "Why? Couldnt you take it?" I snarled viciously. I slapped him again. I heard Ryuk sigh behind me. I didnt care. I wanted this little wretch to pay for putting me through hell. As I looked down into his sad, dark eyes I felt a pang of guilt. I hated the feeling and hit the detective again, he tried weakly to push me away but I was so much stronger than him. Especailly now, I straddled him anyway. The guy was so unpredictable. "You are going to pay for what you just did. I thought you were stronger than this slave"  
I said, well it was 'Sadist Kira' talking really but my 'Conscience' just wanted to walk away, tell the world what happened and get rid of the death note. That however wasnt gonna happen. Yet.  
I pulled the now red towels from L and inspected the damage. The cuts were a few centemeters deep, and there were six on each arm but at least they had almost stopped bleeding. "Your lucky I found you in time L Lawliet" I scolded. L wimpered, his eyes squeezed shut. "Open your eyes" I snapped. Seconds passed before he obeyed, slowly as if it hurt to open them wide, onyx eyes.  
I pulled a small bottle from my pocket, and pulled the lid off and poured some of the liquid contents onto his flat, pale stomach, making him wince as the heat from the liquid scorched his skin. I smirked as he whimpered and sighed in deafeat. I poured some more of the liquid over his chest, cock and thighs making him squirm and I saw a few tears escape and run down his face.  
I bored of the game after a few minutes as he got used to the firey pain I caused him, so I slapped him again and turned him over onto his front. "No Kira, please?" L knew now what was comming, and as I slid my pants and underwear down and thrust my throbbing member into his tight entrance, he barely reacted, except for the occaisonal whimper and sob. I released my seed into him and got up, not speaking.

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L lay there, his thin, fragile body brusied, slashed, broken. He felt strangely numb as he watched Light walk out of the bedroom. And remembered...

**FLASHBACK**

**7 Year old L Lawliet sat down on one of the two swings in the park and kicked his bare feet against the ground, making the swing go higher. The rain crashed down on him, and he noticed one other person in the park. A tall man in his early thirties or so, with brown hair was watching him. L looked away and closed his eyes, the man had been here every day for about two weeks. Usually at about midday, but it was five in the afternoon now. Suddenly the child felt a presence behind him and the man dragged him off the swing. "Hey!" L said angrily, but his protests were muffled as the man covered his mouth with one hand and began fiddling with the zipper of his jeans. L tried to get away but he fell over, the man pinned him to the ground and pulled L's jeans down. "Ssh" he said. L's dark eyes grew wide with fear.  
As the man entered him, L squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the horrific pain he was experiencing.  
When the man had come and pulled his jeans up, he adressed L. "You tell anyone about this and you die" he said, then walked away leaving L sobbing on the tarmac under the swings.**

**END OF FLASHBACK**

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o.o There will be more chapters comming up, this may become a LightXL thing.  
BTW should L tell Light about the first time he was raped or not? You decide?

Xx Kate


	3. Chapter 3

Hi again, need more reviews coz I might get lazy. Lolz. Anyway enjoy! The task force are getting suspicious and Matsuda isnt quite the baka we think he is.

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"I wonder whats going on with Ryuzakki and Light" Matsuda said thoughtfully, Aizawa looked at him strangely as the younger man continued "They have been acting rather strangely lately" Matsuda paused "What do you think?" Aizawa nodded. "Ryuzakki has been rather quiet the last few days, and I often hear Light talking to himself!" The afro-haired man said. Matsuda nodded "And what happened yesterday?" he asked "L went to the bathroom, Light followed him and then an hour later? Light comes in and doesnt say another word for the rest of the day!" Ide glanced at Watari, who had just entered the room. "Hey do you know where Light and Ryuzakki are"  
asked Ide. Watari shook his head "They may still be asleep" he said, "I am going to find them now anyway" Ide nodded, Matsuda glanced at Aizawa who was getting up from his chair. "Im gonna get some coffee" He announced walking away after Watari.

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Light watched in amusement as L got dressed, shivering his head down. Light could plainly see where he had been crying the night before when Light had raped him again. Gently the teen put a hand under the detectives chin and stared into those huge onyx eyes. Pain. Fear. Defeat. Something clicked inside Light and he found himself wrapping his arms around L.

_What the hell?_ The 'Kira' voice yelled.

Lights conscience looked up in hope.

The Kira voice scoffed. _Softy - Hes messing with your mind._

_What?_

"I..." Light began. He paused.

Kira Voice mocked him. _Oh sorry L! Get real. Your Kira. God. You made him your slave didnt you, your fuck toy! Its not like you can fix him now anyway!_

Lights Conscience sighed. _You cant just hurt him like this, you killed rapists, murderers. People who did what you are doing! Your supposed to be justice!_

"L?" Light pulled the older man closer to him. "I think-"

Suddenly the Kira Voice spoke again. _You love him!_ It screamed, laughing, _You fell in love with L! How sweet! Not! You weirdo._

Light shook his head, trying to get rid of the voices. He knew in an instant that it was true. **NO!** He wont admit it, how can you fall in love with someone you hate. Someone you once dreamed of killing.

"You deserved it" he said simply. He was shaking as he pushed L away and backed away, "You deserve everything I do to you... and more!" he screamed, tears were pouring down Lights face as he grabbed the first thing he could find. A typewriter. He threw it away from him, hitting L in the chest, knocking the man back into the wall where he lay, eyes wide,  
and staring in shock at Light, who was standing breathing hevilly "You.. deserved it" Light choked out, he advanced towards L, a menacing look in his eyes as he pushed the typewriter off him and dragged him upright. "Light.. why?" L whispered. Light glared at him and pushed him against the wall, covering his mouth and pushing his hand down to the front of L's jeans. L wimpered and shuddered as Light held his length and began to rub him. L didnt say a word, he had given up trying to stop what was happening, but he couldnt stop the tears running down his cheeks as he shook with uncontrollable pleasure before he came, . When Light had finished his little 'game' he put his hands on L's thin shoulders. "You deserve it" he said, his voice hoarce. L raised his head and stared his enemy in those beautiful amber coloured eyes. "Your just like him" he whispered, before he fell forward into Lights arms.

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LIGHT'S POV

"Oh shit" I muttered, I only just managed to grab L as he collapsed. He might be skinny but he sure weighed a lot! I clasped him round the waist and dragged him onto the bed, he was fucking freezing and even paler than normal. I noticed, for the first time, just how young and vulnerable he looked, even more now. I sat down next to him on the bed and shook him feicely until he woke up, and he stared up at me. His dark eyes gazing into mine.

_Gazing? Now you sound like a lovesick schoolgirl._ My Kira Voice taunted me.

_Will you shut up?_ My Conscience hissed. _I dont love him! I dont love him_

_I dont!_

No matter how hard I fought to convince myself, I couldnt do it.

_Shit._

**Im in love with L. My slave. My fuck toy. I raped him. Broke him. I drove him to attempt suicide for Gods sake! And now I've gone and fallen in love with him.**

"L?" I whispered. He stared at me, his lips were moving but there was no noise comming from them, I bit my lip contemplating wether or not to move him. No.  
I might hurt him even more.  
"What happened?" he asked, his eyes confused. Scared. I took his hand, making him flinch away. "I think you fainted" I admitted, he groaned softly and looked away from me. I noticed there were new bruises forming under his shirt. "My chest hurts" He mumbled, taking his hand away and trying to sit up. My eyes widened, "Dont!" I warned, pushing him back down. "You'll hurt yourself even more"  
He looked at me. "Well why would you care?" he muttered "You've hurt me enough yourself" With that he rolled out of my reach and sat up, wincing with pain as he did so. I stood up, was this guy crazy?

_Aww how sweet._ My Kira Voice taunted _You dont want him to hurt himself?_

My Conscience backed me up _Comfort him, tell him your sorry for what you put him through._

But I couldnt. My Kira Voice wouldnt let me, wouldnt let me say what I so wanted to say. **Oh God L I'm sorry.**

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked out.

His last words before he fainted still echoed in my head.

_"Your just like him."_

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Ooh I think Im getting better at this! Thanx everyone who reviewed! Will update soon... More reveiws plzz... I luv them!

Xx Kate


	4. Chapter 4

Wow! I'm getting reviews! Its hard writing in Lights POV, especially with the voices... anyway. Thanx guys!

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LIGHT'S POV

I watched him walk out. Ryuk sighed behind me, "Humans are so interesting" he murmured shaking his head. I glared at him, but I didnt speak. I sat back down on the bed, Ryuk sat next to me and rolled his eyes. My thoughts strayed back to L. How the hell did I manage to end up loving him? Why? This is one of those times that I regret ever finding that fucking Death Note, I glared at Ryuk. He grinned, as if he could read my mind, and crunched on an apple. Bastard.

_Give up the death note._ My Conscience said

_No!_ Yelled my Kira Voice, angrilly. _You cant just give up! What happened to the bright and ideal world you were gonna rule?_

_Forget it._ My Conscience snapped. _You are a hypocrite, you killed criminals. Now your acting like one!_

_You did what you had to do!_ Kira Voice said.

_You did not have to rape L, you did not have to throw a typewriter at him. You did not have to hurt him._ My Conscience said.

"Will you two shut the fuck up!" I yelled. Ryuk smirked at me. I glared back. "What?" I asked. He grinned, that infuriating grin he got when he thought I was being silly.  
"You have voices in your head?" He said "Well I've never seen that happen before" He sighed. "Ryuk?" I said.  
"What"  
"Shut up, your not helping"

L's voice haunted my mind. _Your just like him..._

What was he talking about?

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L'S POV

I dont know what to do, this was a strange feeling for me. I am L, the Worlds Best Detective, making choices came naturally to me. But now...

On the outside everything looks normal.  
Matsuda is gabbing away to Ide and Aizawa. Watari is smiling and putting a slice of cake in front of me.  
Chief Yagami is talking to Mogi. And me? I am sitting in my usual position, I am eating the cake in my stereotypical way and tapping away at my laptop.

But I am different. Numb. I feel detached, the cake tastes of nothing and the voices of the members of the Task Force sound distant.

Light.

There is something about him, something that I cant quite name. There is something different about him. Why was he crying? He said I deserved what he did to me, but he was crying. I had seen his face.

His expression had made me want to cry. I saw the anguish, and confusion in his eyes, I saw the tears running down his face.

What the hell was going on?

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L stood up, and jumped off the chair. "Im going to the bathroom" he announced. He caught Mogi and Soichio exchange a glace and raised an eyebrow. The older men looked away, embarrased.  
He never made it to the bathroom, Light grabbed his arm and dragged him into the bedroom, one hand behind his back. "Stay still" Light ordered. L reluctantly obeyed and watched in dismay as Light pulled a thick rope from behind his back and began tying L's wrists togther, before pushing him to the floor and kicking his legs open to rape him. And, after pushing L's jeans down, thats exactly what he did.

L didnt react. He was numb now, completely broken.

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L'S POV

_**I was weak before But now you've made me so numb I cant feel much for you anymore**_

A song went through my head as Light raped me again. And I remembered. Again.

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**FLASHBACK**

**L didnt tell anyone, not even Wammy, what had happened. If they knew, if they had any idea... Instead he snuck up into the bathroom to wash out the blood and semen from his stained jeans. Then that day, the first time he dragged the razor across my wrists, even at seven years old he knew what had happened was wrong. He knew it was dirty. But why did he come back to that same park. That same fate, every day for the next three years? Every day for the next three years he went to the park, and came back to Wammy's House late. And every day for the next three years he slashed the same words across his wrists.  
Watashi wa watashi ga kirai da to omou.**

**END OF FLASHBACK**

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LIGHT'S POV

_Kill him._ My Kira Voice said.

I froze, dead still. My world went deathly still and silent.

_Kill him._

I pushed L away, backed away from him. I grabbed the knife on his bed, I noticed with distaste, that he had been self harming again. He had **_Watashi wa watashi ga kirai da to omou_** carved across his left wrist. Well he is right.

_Kill him._

I sat next to him and pulled him onto my lap, his onyx eyes widened as I pressed the blade against his throat.

_Kill him._

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Watashi wa watashi ga kirai da to omou - I think I am hated

Should I kill L off in the next chapter or shall I keep him alive and carry on? You decide! Also... Should I make Light give up the Death Note (this wont be in the next chappie but tell me)

Thanx 4 reading. Plzz review ect ect...

Xx Kate


	5. Chapter 5

Okay I've been told not to kill L off. BTW I'm sorry the rape scenes aint longer, its just I really suck at them... Plus my mum has a habit of reading Ff's over my shoulder. Eek!  
So here goes... BTW in this, L keeps a diary... I have a feeling this story could end up being quite long.  
Thanx 4 all the reviews

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LIGHT'S POV

_Kill him_

I could do it now, I could push the blade into that delicate throat and kill him. It sure would make my life easier, he is the only one standing between me and my ideal world.

_NO!_

My conscience screamed suddenly, horrifyed.

_You cant kill him._

_You cant._

_I cant._

I stare at the knife, and pull it away. I throw it across the room. I want it as far from me as possible. I look up. At L.

His eyes, his mesmirising, beautiful eyes were staring fearfully into my own. I feel a strange tug at my heart and pull him close against my chest, suddenly afraid he would just dissapear. He is limp in my arms. "I cant do this anymore Light" he murmured, his soft voice almost inaudible against my shirt. I shut my eyes as L continues. "Why didnt you kill me?" He wriggled out of my grasp and stumbled towards the door, I froze. Only for a moment. Before I grabbed his scarred wrist and pulled him back, his pained eyes turned to me. He didnt speak, just tried to get away. "Im not stupid L. I know what your thinking" He raised an eyebrow.  
"So your a mind reader as well as a rapist and a murderer?" He asked, his voice monotonus. I looked away. He was right though, but his flat voice and sad eyes made me feel even more guilty. I had come so close to killing him, what the hell was I supposed to say?  
"watashi ga kirai da to omou" I said. He stared at me. Then down at the slim, pale, scarred wrist I was still holding. "Why?" I asked "I can tell that some of these scars could be years old L"  
He looked away, tears filling his eyes. Then he pulled his arm away.

_Knock knock._

"C-come in" L stammered, we pulled our jeans back on and L pulled his sleeve over the scars.  
Watari came into the room, smiling. "Do you two want to take the day off? Kira hasnt made any moves in the last 24 hours so you might as well" I glanced at L, who was nodding at Watari's suggestion "Yes Watari, okay." He said slowly "But if Kira does kill anyone, be sure to contact me immedietly" Watari nodded and exited the room. L glanced at me. Then made a dash for the door, he wasnt quick enough, and I grabbed him around his slim waist, and dragged him back, sobbing. "Im not gonna hurt you any more" I said. He looked up at me through his raven bangs and narrowed his eyes. I sighed, and pulled him against me. "I promise"

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L'S POV

Promises dont mean anything to me. They never did. I always found it hard to trust people.  
Why does Light care if I kill myself anyway? He almost killed me himself for Gods sake! "So what do you want to do" Lights voice broke through my thoughts. I raised an eyebrow in question. He continued "Well we have the day off" he muttered, looking away.  
"I think you know what I want to do" I said flatly. He held me tighter to him. "I wont let you" He said, he put a hand under my chin and made me look into his strange, beautiful amber eyes. "I dont want you to die"  
"That didnt stop you from holding a knife to my throat" I said expressionlessly. He stared at me sadly, he kissed me lightly on the forehead.

_Huh?_

_Why did he kiss me?_

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LIGHT'S POV

"Please dont do it L" I murmured. He didnt speak, we sat like that, me leaning against the wall with L in my arms, head turned away from me. We stayed like that for hours, silent and still as statues except for our light breathing and the occasional sniff from L.

Then finally, finally he broke the silence.  
"Im tired Light" I smiled, this was comming from an insomniac who hated admitting any weakness.  
"Me too" I murmured. He snuffled lightly and looked up at me. I saw that his face was streaked with tears.

**_"Nen nen korori yo, okorori yo Bouya wa yoiko da, nenne shina_**

**_Bouya no omoriwa doko e itta Anoyam koete, sato e itta._**

**_Sato no miyagene nani moratta Denden taiko ni sho no fue."_**

I whispered in his ear, rocking him slowly until his eyes closed and he went limp in my arms. I dragged him up, to cradle him and lay him on his bed. I looked at him for a while then rested my head on the edge of the bed and fell asleep.

Until I woke up, and L was gone.

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Okay in the next chapter Light finds out about the previous rape stuff, also L keeps a diary. BTW sorry this chapter is so short but I have so much to do. Will update soon plzz review yh yh ect...

**_Nen nen korori yo, okorori yo Bouya wa yoiko da, nenne shina_**

**_Bouya no omoriwa doko e itta Anoyam koete, sato e itta._**

**_Sato no miyagene nani moratta Denden taiko ni sho no fue._**

A japanese lullabye... the only one I know so...

back soon!!!

Xx Kate


	6. Chapter 6

Hi again. BTW I might not be updating quite as often as I have been as school starts again soon but enjoy the story.

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LIGHT'S POV

Where is he?

Where the hell has he gone?

Then I heard a soft noise, a barely audible sob and I looked over to see L, curled in a corner of the room clutching what looked like a book, to his chest. "L?" He looked up and saw me, he wiped his eyes. Watching me as I got up and crept over to him.  
"Whats wrong?" I asked. I noticed he was shivering and I put an arm around him, God he was skinny. I could almost feel his bones.  
"Nothing" he mumbled, he tried to hide the book but I grabbed it off him. "Light give it to me" he said, he tried to snatch it back. "What is it?" I asked, turning the light on. He blushed and mumbled something I could barely hear. "What?" I asked. "Its a diary" He muttered. I almost laughed, but he already looked embarrased already. "Its from when I was seven" he said, he was shaking violently now. What the hell?  
"Are you cold?" I asked, he paused, then nodded. I dragged a sheet of the bed and wrapped it around him. He looked at me gratefully, then glanced at the diary.  
"Please. Dont read it." He whispered. "Okay"

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L had fallen asleep again. Light was curious, he knew he shouldnt read L's diary, but he ouldnt help it.  
He flipped it to a random page. God L's handwriting was so bloody neat, well for a seven year old anyway.

_16th April I cant believe what happened. That man was at the park again today, like yesterday and he did it again._

_17th April Why do I keep returning to that park. HE was there again._

Light frowned, and turned back a few pages.

_14th April Today, my life fell apart. I stayed at the park for longer, there was a man there. I dont know who he was... He hurt me real bad. I dont know what to do. I cant tell Wammy, I cant tell anyone. They would think I was a dirty little whore like HE said._

_15th April I never thought I would ever do all the self-harm stuff, but I cant help it. In a sick sort of way it makes me feel better... Like all the pain is escaping. I'm scared._

"Oh God L" Light murmured. He looked at the sleeping detective next to him. "God I'm so sorry"

Your just like him

"Thats what you ment" Light said, tears beggining to pour down his cheeks "I didnt even ask, didnt even think to ask what you ment" The teenager sighed through his tears and lay his head next to L's on the floor. Quietly crying until he fell asleep.

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L'S POV

I knew something was different from the moment I woke up. Light was still asleep, I froze in horror when I saw the diary laying open next to him. "Shit" I muttered. He had obviously read at least some of it. Damn. I watched him, wondering if he knew, if he could ever guess how I used to feel about him... I felt a stab of lonliness that I hadnt felt in a long time as I realised that somewhere, somehow I still felt the same as I used to. I still loved him. Dispite everything... I watched him for a few minutes, then he stirred and his amber eyes opened a fraction. "L?" He murmured "Are you okay?" I nodded dumbly.  
"You read it didnt you" I said. It was a statement not a question and Light sighed. Then nodded. I slumped back against the wall and clutched my diary to my chest, still bruised from the typewriter incident.  
"Im sorry L" Light said. "I had no idea, if I did I-" he stopped "Im sorry" I heard the pain in his voice. "I know but I bet you hate me now" I whispered. Nobody likes a dirty little whore. Thats what HE had said anyway. But Lights amber eyes widened, he looked horrifyed.  
"L I dont hate you" he said feircly, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me slightly. I winced and he stopped, pulling me to his chest where he cradled me like a baby. "Why would I hate you"  
"B-because Im a dirty little... whore" I whispered, feeling my eyes fill with tears of shame and confusion. Light peered into my eyes and I saw that his eyes were filled with tears as well. "L, your not a dirty whore" he murmured. I opened my mouth to protest but he put a finger to my lips. "Listen to me L, just believe me. Please?" I nodded weakly and he stroked my hair.  
How could I admit I love him? Whats the worst that could happen? He could laugh, or push me away disgusted. Why did I have to feel like this?

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Hmm... This chapter coulda been better I guess but oh well.  
Anyway should L tell Light he loves him or should Light go first?  
Review plzz!!! Will update soon!

Xx Kate


	7. Chapter 7

Im back! Hehe... Sorry I havent updated in so long... this chappie was so hard to write!

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LIGHT'S POV

Im a dirty little whore

L's voice echoed in my brain, his words screaming at me. I clutched him tighter, he would never believe how much I love him, not now.

Your just like him.

I squeezed my eyes shut, tears spilled over and I felt suddenly empty and lonely. "L?" I choked out, my voice was hoarse. My throat hurt as he looked up at me, God his eyes were so irrisistible, so innocent.  
"Yeah?" He murmured, his voice was weary, I noticed his normally pale skin was slightly flushed. I gulped, I so needed for him to believe me.  
"I - I think - I" I stopped, L was staring at me. "God L I think I've fucking fallen in love with you" I blurted out.

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L couldnt speak. His mouth was dry. His heart was racing. Light was crying, L could feel the tears falling like raindrops onto his pale face as he peered into his eyes. "I'll understand if you hate me L" The teenager said sadly, he closed his eyes. L looked at him, then L sat up straighter and kissed him.  
Light's eyes opened, widened for a moment before he kissed back as he sneaked up his hand around L's neck and pulled him closer. He pushed the young detective onto his back and pushed his white top up. His heart sinking as he noticed the purple bruises that covered most of the left side of L's chest. "God I'm sorry"  
He murmured, leaning down, he kissed every inch of the bruised flesh. He looked up into L's obsidian eyes, now filled with lust and fear. Light ran a hand across L's chest and began rubbing and lightly tweaking his nipples, L let out a low moan as the other hand went down the front of his pants and closed around his cock and began rubbing him. "Nnngg Li-Light" he gasped. Light kissed his chest and rubbed harder. L bucked his hips upward moaning, the intense pleasure he felt was nothing like he had ever experienced. "Light!" He gasped. Light rubbed him harder pushing L over the edge and making him explode across his stomach, and Lights. "Ah God Light" he gasped, shaking.  
"Are you okay?" Light asked, pulling him up and holding him. L nodded, and rested his raven head on Lights chest. "You sure?" Light asked, his voice sounded concerned, almost scared. "Yeah its just -" L paused, and closed his eyes as Light stroked his hair comfortingly. "Its just that was the first time I had ever felt something like that - willingly" he murmured.  
Light kissed the top of L's head and put a hand under the detectives chin, making him look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry L - for doing that to you" he said. "Why did you do it?" L murmured "I loved you from the day I met you Light" Light peered at him.  
"You did?" Light asked, L nodded, blushing. Light held him tight and kissed his hair.  
"I loved you too but I thought you hated me" He admitted. L looked at him. "How could anyone hate you?" he asked increduously "your popular, smart, good-looking "  
"Im Kira" Light interupted "And Im not that good looking"  
"Light"  
"Yeah"  
"Shut up and fuck me" L said bluntly. Lights eyes widened, he had never heard L swear. "Are you sure?" "Yes Light-Kun" L said. Light frowned, he wanted to. He wanted to fuck L so damn hard he would never walk again but he couldnt... How could he? After everything?  
"Okay"

And he did.

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Hehe... Couldnt resist writing that last bit. Sorry about the lack of lemons in this chapter, they will come later.

Xx Kate 


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